When Hope Is Not Enough

Posted on November 22, 2011 by Julie Dale

Imagine this:  Today is a typical, normal day.  Your alarm goes off, you try to wake up while pulling together your thoughts of what has to get done this day. 

 

Up, coffee maker on, you shower and get ready for your day.  Of course, if you have children this simple routine is loaded with waking them up, finding lost books, socks, coats, and packing lunches. 

 

If you have pets, you may fit in a walk and feeding too, or fit in your own exercise by running a couple of miles or doing some gym time. 

 

Still, it’s a normal day.

 

We go through this routine countless times before we head out into the world.  Without really even thinking about it, we live our lives based on a hope that everything will go as planned.  Not a conscious thought always, but there nonetheless. 

 

We hope the alarm goes off on time and we hear it.  We hope that the car starts or the gas will last, hope that we’ll get a few more days closer to payday before a bill collector calls, and hope that our job is safe from cutbacks. 

 

 

Kids?  We hope that no one gets sick or needs a dentist.  Aging parents?  We hope that no one falls, that medications get taken on time and in the right order. 

 

We hope all the time.  It’s part of living, yet we don’t think that much about it until something unexpected happens. 

 

And then…

 

 

What if something happens and hope is not enough?

 

Your alarm goes off, you reach over and feel pain radiating in your arm and jaw.  Your car dies in an intersection and traffic is coming at you.  Your child or parent is suddenly diagnosed with something frightening and terrible that you can’t even pronounce, much less fix. 

 

What then?  Is hope there?  Of course it is.  Hope is the first thing there.  It’s as strong as the life force that courses through us.  It’s innate and it’s involuntary.  Even if we think we’ve lost hope, we find it sneaking back in. 

 

But if it’s not enough…what do you do?  Where do you go?  And how do you live?

 

What if you have nothing left but hope and it’s not enough?

 

This is when it’s important to look very closely at what’s happening and realize that beyond the pain, the anger, and the loss of control, is space.

 

 

And yet, very often, it’s this space we’re most afraid of.  We want answers!  We want solutions!  We want strategies!  We’re go-to people, we’re used to handling problems head on.

 

Space.

 

Solutions, out of our hands.  Strategies, out of our hands.  Answers, and waiting. 

 

Space.

 

When you finally realize you can’t fix, solve, or strategize through something, you reach a place of space and emptiness.  This is when people say they’ve lost hope.

 

Except, is it really empty?  And what do we do when we find ourselves there?

 

People reach for meditation and prayer, support groups, therapists and life coaches, all very helpful.  But the truth is this is a space just for one.  Just you.

 

It requires silence and it requires you.  Because when you’re in this place of helplessness, no one else has the answers.  You have to come to terms with who you are without your superhero cape, with what you offer, and your place in this universe.

 

It doesn’t matter whether you sit in a room by yourself, walk trails, climb mountains, drive, sit in a church or synagogue, mosque or temple, or even paddle a boat or canoe, the key is letting the space surround you without trying to fill it up with thoughts or activity, and doing that without fear. 

 

Thinking is optional, but not recommended.  Only in a quiet mind and soul can the whisper you’re waiting for be heard. 

 

 

It’s not about fixing.  It’s about accepting and learning how to let go of the need to control.  We’ll always push to control our world for the good of ourselves, and others we love, but sometimes we’re forced to sit down, be quiet, and find peace in the acceptance of what needs to be and what needs to happen.

 

This universe is so much bigger than we are.  Even if you think there’s nothing beyond this life and we just end and are gone, there’s still the mystery of the greatness of what surrounds us while we live. 

 

And we have no answer for that greatness and its intricate complexity, just acceptance and gratitude for the gift of being here to experience it. 

 

So when hope is not enough for what we face now, welcome that space and accept the soft whisper that says it’s time to let go. 

 

And really, hope isn’t gone is it?   It lives in a peace filled heart.

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Changes

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Julie Dale

Happy Fall! 

 

If you’ve been wondering where The Daily Push posts have gone, you’ll be glad to know they’ve just been on a forced hiatus. 

 

As I’m always suggesting to others, I decided this past spring to grow my life in a significant way and continue my education this fall, so I've been busy making that happen.

 

Because my background is totally Psychology, Neuropsychology, and Stress Management based, I thought it was time to continue on a path that would put that education to use in a more direct way as a Speech and Language Pathologist. 

 

Most people think of that job as being the “Speech lady” in the elementary school system, however it actually takes on many forms besides that.  My goal is to continue using my Neuropsychology background and work in acute care/rehabilitation units and nursing facilities with cognitive dysfunction patients, i.e. stroke victims, dementia patients, trauma cases etc. 

 

Of course, you know I’ll be working my music background into this too.  Many people don’t realize that our language center is in a different area than where we store our singing ability/memories in our brains.  Therefore, many times patients who have lost significant language ability can still sing just as they did before their stroke/accident.  Often, it’s a relief for them to “feel” and hear themselves accomplish such a normal function after having lost so much.  I look forward to helping them achieve that joy.

 

So many new things ahead for me, yet I’m still going to be posting here, coaching (although on a limited basis), running Motivated Zen, and working my day job running a music program.  It sounds crazy busy, just ask my kids, but it’s all about give and take and I’ll certainly be posting about how I’m juggling it all and maintaining a healthy balance. 

 

That said I’ve also been working on changes at Motivated Zen, which you’ll see on this website soon.  Last year I taught meditation classes, Zen walks, and one artistic expression class.  Those offerings will continue but the scheduling will be trickier this year.  I can only promise I’ll offer them as often as possible. 

 

 

One thing I will be adding is Zen Paddles. 

 

For the past couple of years I’ve been very immersed in the world of kayaking and it’s opportunities here in the Pacific Northwest.  We have so many beautiful rivers, lakes, and of course the ocean, (which I’m still learning to be on) to explore and play in.  I’ve worked with wonderful friends who run a kayak touring service and have trained with them in safety and paddling techniques.  The outcome of all that work/play is that I’ve become proficient at both and have been able to share many wonderful adventures and the natural beauty here with close friends and relatives.

 

When most people think of kayaking, they think mainly of white water kayaking.  As fun as that is, my interest tends to run more to the serene, Zen excursion.  (I have enough excitement in my daily life, I need more serenity!)

 

So the idea of sharing that with the public morphed into our new offering: Zen Paddles.

 

Actually, there will be two forms to this.  There will be Zen Paddles, which are basically very serene tours on calm waters, immersed in the exquisite beauty of Oregon and Washington.  These will run 3 hours total, with a short 15-minute safety/paddling technique segment at the beginning.

 

The second form is Zen Meditation Paddles.  These tours will be similar to the Zen Paddles but will have an “on the water” meditation session in a safe, calm lagoon, bay, or lake in the middle of the tour, followed by quiet paddling amongst incredible beauty as we make our way back to our launch site.  This quiet paddling time is meant to enhance the meditation in which paddlers learn to drop all sense of “group” and “outside worries/thoughts” so they can be totally present to nature. 

 

Now, why am I adding this to my world in such a busy time?  Simple!  It’s about creating balance for myself as well as teaching it to others.  And, it’s incredibly fun and very relaxing. 

 

 

Kayaking is a very low-impact activity so it’s open to people of all ages.  While there are some limitations, it’s something most everyone is capable of doing and enjoying.  Oh yes, and for those who worry about flipping the boat over, we will be using highly stable boats that are very forgiving. 

 

That said, as we start this program out we’ll only be offering these tours to clients who already have their own boats, whether beginners or seasoned paddlers.  My hope is to expand the offering to those without their own boats and equipment too, but most likely that will happen in the spring. 

 

Lastly, fall is a gorgeous time to be out on the water.  The motorboats that were out all summer have been stored and the rivers and lakes are peacefully quiet again.  While rain sounds like an impediment, it actually creates spectacular little waterfalls that disappear over the summer.  (Keep in mind, we’ll never go out in a heavy rain).  Animals and birds are plentiful in the peaceful atmosphere and it’s an adventure I believe everyone should experience. 

 

 

Well, those are my big changes.  What are yours as we begin this new season?    

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What Were You Thinking?

Posted on September 10, 2011 by Julie Dale

Do you remember being a child and thinking you understood way more than they (adults) gave you credit for?

 

My guess is that you do.   And I would also guess you’d be the first to say that you think back to your earliest memories and saw the world in a pretty adult way.   An old soul, maybe. 

 

Personally, I remember thinking up some pretty amazing stuff that I thought was very adult at the time, and look at now and giggle a little. 

 

For instance, I remember sitting with my best friend in the back storeroom of her grandfather’s clock and jewelry store in our ‘fort’ and planning in great detail how we would mail ourselves to China in one of the grandfather clock boxes. 

 

Now obviously, as an adult I can see just how silly that plan is, but believe me, we thought through all the necessary obstacles.   How to pack food and water so we didn’t get detected at the airports, how to move with the box as it moved, how to handle the bathroom situation that would obviously come up, and of course shipping and handling fees!   You know, necessities.

 

I was 8.

 

My point in all this is that we became who we still are today at a very young age and although our knowledge of life has increased, we’re still the same emotional beings we were at those young ages.  (Although now I’d just take a plane.)   

 

I’d even bet that if you look at any child around you right now, you’d think that they don’t really ‘get’ the world as much as you did when you were that age.  You sort of dismiss them and probably speak to them in a manner that you think they’ll understand, rather than how you’d seriously speak to another adult.

 

Now, you might say well yes, but my story about me was when I was 8, and 8 is an age that does ‘get it’ more so than say 3.   Uh, well most 3 year olds are pretty capable of being disgusted with life and have ideas about how to fix that.  Just observe them for a while and you’ll see just how much they do ‘get’ in the world around them.

 

Again, so what’s the point? 

 

Well, as always, I’m trying to get you to remember what made you excited when you were little.   What did you spend time dreaming about and why?   What occupied your adventure or planning mind? 

 

Because...I want you to quit wasting your talent.   There, I said it.

 

Yes, you, the one who thinks they don’t have any particular talent.   Or maybe you think that you have too many talents but they’re all mediocre?   Good at many things, great at nothing?

 

Sound familiar?   Well try this for me:

 

Have fun for a moment and recall some of those crazy things you thought about at different ages. 

 

Why did you think them?   What was going on in your life?   How did you handle those things at that time, and do you handle things in a similar way now, only with grown up resources and games?  

 

If you dreamed up something like my China trip, why did you dream about it?   I’m not asking because I want you to figure out how to accomplish those childish daydreams, I’m asking because I want you to figure out if you still have the need that started that dream.

 

My own need at the time was for adventure, but why?   Well, I didn’t feel particularly needed or wanted at the age of 8 and planning an adventure was what took me out of that picture.   I felt smart and capable by planning it.

 

Thankfully, I never actually tried it, but as an adult I can always tell when I’ve had enough of the stress of everyday life when I start thinking about getting away for the day, or a weekend, or begin daydreaming about my next vacation. 

 

As for talent, I’m still really, really good at planning.   Those early daydreams show me that I’ve always liked figuring out the details.   It’s who I am, through and through.

 

So, if you’re stuck right now trying to figure out what the next step is in your life or you feel like something’s missing, maybe you’re changing careers or starting a new life path, start looking backwards. 

 

 

You haven’t really changed who you are emotionally; you just wear longer pants now. 

 

It's true, we all get caught up in life, changing what and how we do things based on our circumstances, those around us, and necessity. 

 

But stop for just a moment and see if you’re in tune with who you were when you were young.   It’s a great beginning step to finding the life that fits your personality and gives you real happiness and peace.   

 

Oh, and lastly, be careful how you treat those little ones around you now, they’re older inside than you think.

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Meeting You

Posted on August 30, 2011 by Julie Dale

 

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to meet you?

 

Well personally, I think you’re great but maybe you’ve never thought about it (or maybe cared) huh?

 

Why not?  Many people meet you each day.  And, by the way, how you come across to others greatly affects your life in countless ways! 

 

Job opportunities, advancement opportunities, life paths and partners, friendships, you name it.

 

So, have you ever wondered what they thought after they did meet you? 

 

Sure you have, we all have, but usually only if you’ve gone and made a complete idiot of yourself or did something spectacular and amazing during the introduction.

 

If you did the idiot thing you can pretty much guess what they think of you, and if you did something spectacular you’ll feel awesome about the whole thing!

 

Ok, so just for a moment forget those two scenarios and imagine it.   You, meeting you.

 

Pick any place and yes, you’re allowed to wear any clothes you want for this meeting.  But it’s important so really think about what you’d wear to meet you and where you’d pick to meet you. 

 

It’s important because what you wear is going to tell the first story about who you are.  Remember, you don’t know you.  First impressions and all, you know. 

 

Then you have to choose the where.  Why?  Because most of the time we don’t get to choose where we meet someone important for the first time.  Usually we go to them because of an agenda.  Unless, of course, it’s a blind date, in which case we should normally skip going altogether.

 

So now you’ve picked the where, and you know what you’re wearing…which you do you want you to meet?  Confusing huh?

 

Well, there’s the happy, bubbly you.  There’s the serious, business like you.  There’s the take me as I am, carefree you.  City you.  Country you.  Surf-dude you.  See what I mean?

 

Of course you’d normally pick the you that fits the situation, business you for a business meeting etc.  So this is a little different, but that’s why I also said to pick the where. 

 

The where tells the story doesn’t it?  Where you choose to meet you is going to show the real you, in the place that fits and defines you.  This is important stuff!  You want you to see the real, deeply personal you and the where will show which side of you is the most important to your soul.  Yes, your soul!  I told you this was important.  ;)

 

For instance, you might work on Wall Street but deep inside you’re really the fisherman from Arkansas.  Your where might just be next to a river in the south.

 

Remember, you’re showing the book cover of the You story.  If the cover’s catchy (where it takes place and what you look like visually), the story will get more readers. 

 

Wow!  Now that really was a lot to take in.  But so true.  Read it again.  Go ahead…I’ll wait.

 

The whole point of this is to realize who you really are and which you, you put out there.  Because, let's face it, sometimes we shoot ourselves in the foot without meaning to.  This exercise shows which part of you is the most dominant, because we all have many facets to who we are.  You'll get a lot farther by putting forth the you, you mean to.  We’re adaptable to situations afterall, and we can change like chameleons.  This will help you to have a little more understanding of yourself.

 

 

So now that I’ve walked you through the hardest part of just understanding the exercise, try it. 

 

There you are.  See what you’re wearing.  See where you’re meeting.  See which you, you brought to the party. 

 

Then realize that that is who you present to most people, most of the time and when there’s no agenda.  If that’s scary perhaps you need to rethink your social face!

 

The second part of this exercise is to realize that you are worthy of meeting.  That means that with no one else in the room, no one else anywhere near, you’re still worthy to spend time with.

 

We forget that we need to spend quality time with ourselves.  Very often we don’t even know who we are without other people around to keep us occupied. 

 

What do you like to do?  What do you think about things?  Once you start to look at you as a friend, in a more separate way, you’ll realize you might not know the answer to these questions.

 

I seriously believe that’s half the reason why so many adults feel so lost about what to do with their lives.  When I ask them what they want to do with say, just the next five years, very many have no answer.  They’re lost.  They don’t have any idea who they are anymore and what they even want to do right now because they’ve lost touch with themselves.  

 

So the moral to this story is:  Please, go meet you.  It’s worth it I promise.  I think you’ll find you amazing!

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Making Positivity Actually Work

Posted on August 18, 2011 by Julie Dale

 

So, here’s a great question:  What do all the self-help books have in common these days?  Yep, you guessed it; they all have a sickeningly sweet message about the power of being positive and how if you just tap into it, you’ll have the life you’ve always dreamed of. 

 

I say sickeningly sweet because after awhile it becomes too much for the average person to take.  Think Perky Polly.  Seriously, it sounds good, we all want to be positive but after awhile we have to get back to the routine and reality of life right?

 

But the books say…

 

Reading self-help books can be like a workshop or sabbatical; we read them and are so into the message!   We might even carry that feeling on for a good week or two after we’re done with the book.   But then, slowly, life begins to creep in and before we know it, we’re back into our old routine again.   So much for hanging on to being positive!  (Do I sound negative?)

 

Well, surprise!   I’m not against this message at all, in fact, I believe very much in the power of being positive. 

 

However…being positive won’t do anything for you besides making you more cheerful in the short run, unless you’re at peace with yourself first and ready for the real deal.

 

What do I mean?

 

Look, everyone wants to be successful.   They want happiness; they want peace, good relationships, a great job with good money, etc.   Are we sabotaging ourselves?   Absolutely…sort of.   Let’s just say, in my opinion, the self-helpers have got it a little backwards. 

 

Good psychology proves that if you smile all morning, you’ll be in a more positive mood in the afternoon.  It’s true…it works!  Great party trick too.  By the way, same thing with frowning…watch out for that sour mood.  

 

The problem is, you can’t hold that smile for long unless you’re already deeply at peace, or in a state of true happiness inside, it just doesn’t work.   So what do I mean they’ve got it backwards?  

 

Well, there are so many factors as to why you’re where you are in your life right now, let’s jut look at a few of them. 

 

Maybe you’re still growing into the person you need to be, to actually be ready for certain successes. 

 

Maybe you don’t really feel deserving of ‘the good life’ because of past experiences.

 

Maybe the effort to ‘get there’ isn’t in you to give right now.

 

Those are just three things, and I’m sure you can pull up many more that fit you personally. 

 

The backwards part is this:  When you get to a place of inner well-being, of being at peace with who you are to the core, then and only then will you come into a true state of happiness or positivity.  When that happens, you’ll naturally draw people to you.   You’ll also draw good situations and things to you.   That’s why they keep saying that great things will come to you if you just have a positive attitude and put that positive energy out into the universe. 

 

They’re right; they just have the cart before the horse a little. 

 

Let’s change topic just a little bit.

 

I tell people all the time, if you want to meet a partner and possible soul-mate, quit looking at dating sites, in bars, and other weird places because you’re in the worst possible state of mind when you’re ‘hunting.’  People in those places and situations are at their weirdest, including you, because everyone’s trying so hard to look appealing and not needy.  There’s nothing relaxed or natural about anyone there and there’s a sense of desperation that’s palpable!  There’s no way for the real ‘you’ to shine and stand out. 

 

Instead, go find your passion and what lights you up and that special person you’re looking for will probably be in the group with you.   It means…find your happiness and you will naturally light up also.  Way easier to be seen and noticed if you’re lit up, yes?   We’re all beautiful when we’re doing something we love and enjoy.  We’re like children frolicking, and it’s contagious!  

 

Now you’re putting out a positive energy. 

 

Another example:  Think about walking through a crowd on the street.   You’ll always be drawn to people in the crowd who are happy, laughing, and full of positive energy.   They catch our interest, period. 

 

Then we want to know more about them.   Why are they happy?   Who is this person?   Because we feel happy and positive when we’re with them, we’ll try to know them better.

 

 

Ok, so back to the main topic.   Positivity.   How do you get it?

 

Well, you begin by having a deep, and often long, conversation with yourself.   It’s not a one day deal either.   It may be a conversation that goes on through your lifetime.  

 

But it starts like this:

Where and what did I come from?   Who influenced me and how did they think of me?   What was my role in my family?   Did I and do I still buy into that role?   Am I one of those people who don’t really think I’m worthy of super good things?   What do I want for me?   What do I NEED?

 

Notice I’m not sure of my answers?   Because we’re so good at fooling ourselves into thinking we’re ok, that we’re not affected, that we really are the public face we put out there, that sometimes we truly have to shake ourselves before we get an honest read on what we really think.   Sometimes we have to dig beyond our quick response of “that’s not me, I’m just fine with who I am!”   That takes time. 

 

So, read the books, learn the messages, and think deeply about how much negativity you bring to your own life and why.  Think about why you’re doing what you’re doing right now and if it lights you up.  Only when you figure out where the negativity comes from and determine what’s missing or what you need to make you whole and at peace, will you finally find true positivity.

 

Remember too, that sometimes you’ll need to forgive or at least understand the actions of others, and often more importantly, yourself, before you can allow the peace and goodness to come in and feel deserved.

 

It’s amazing really, how often we let the actions of others put us on a path that we stick with.   Choose who you are and figure out what you need.   Pick your own path.    It's time.

 

And then, they’re right, you’ll put that energy out to the universe and it’ll bounce back to you in a million positive ways.

 

True positive energy will light you up like the sun, and spread.  

 

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